Let's pretend

I wanted to be someone different tonight. I tried something new.
A short draft turned into a long one.
More words than I had anticipated or predicted.
This is the first "piece of writing" that I have formally written not for a school assignment.
Although I suppose blog posts count, so it actually isn't.

_______________________________________________________________________

I'm feeling reckless so let's go somewhere.

I can't leave, but I can imagine
and that
is just as good.

So
let me be someone else.


I see you from across the room.
I see you and you see me.

No need to pretend otherwise because we both know
This is a fact
and that is a fact.

We make eye contact.
I smile.
You falter.
But I have seen this before.

Silly infatuation that gets you nowhere.

And I know you are smaller than you look
and younger than you seem.

I am me.

You subtly look my way again.
I can see you, you know.

You try to look casual
and engaged.

The speaker ends his speech.

The audience claps

and in that moment,
in that moment of slight chaos,
you look my way again.

Now I know for sure.

You must be silly, naive
hopeful and overly optimistic
and imagining that girl
that you might find.

And tonight--
is just one more night that you will wish you took that risk
because you think maybe she could have been here.

My friends get up to leave and I'm the only one left at my table
stirring my drink
and trying to think
think about things that I'm trying to forget.

But you surprise me.

You brush off your friends dragging you off and head slowly through the sea of tables holding your drink
towards me.

Well then.
If you've got enough guts to say hello, I'd say you're at least worth my time--
but don't be expecting more than that.

I can tell you're nervous.

You run your fingers through your hair and try to look confident
but let me tell you
that image doesn't fool me.
I've seen it before.

You say hi.

You shake my hand.
and pull out the chair beside mine.

You take a seat.

Up close, you are tall, dark
and calm.

You take a sip of your drink.

I keep stirring mine.

I am taken off guard--
you asked me what I want to do in in five years' time.

I say I have dreams.

You keep asking questions--
questions that I have never heard before.

And soon, I have let down my guard and
let you in.

But just a little bit.

We're still talking on the surface.
At least on my side

I see that the more we talk, the more confident you become.
You smile, laugh and nod.

I touch your arm and you look surprised.
I look different now don't I?

Not just someone with an innocent face, looking younger than I am.
You can tell I'm older now.
That I don't give much away.
That there are parts of me that you don't want to know.

But that doesn't stop you.

You keep talking.
We keep talking.

You feel as if you know me more--
know me better.

This time, you touch my arm
hesitant and waiting for my reaction
to see if it was alright.

I'm not going to break you know.

I'm not as fragile as I look.

I keep stirring my drink until the ice is all gone and our conversation begins to wane.

I'm tired and my friends have come back to find me
and yours are wondering where you are.

You look as if you want to keep talking--
as if I am the most interesting being you have ever talked to.

You ask for my phone number, which I give you.
You thank me for the time we've spent together and hope to meet again.
I know it makes no difference

Because at the end of the night, nothing has changed.

I am still me and you--
You
are just a silly boy who is looking for the kind of love that can't be found here.